A rebuttal for criticism

It’s regrettable but I tore open a friend’s sense of egotism

Cause I didn’t give my critical opinion mascaraed as wisdom

I was Cain un-able to slay their pride

unwilling to tarnish their dominion over their own sense of self  

every dollar is a hundred cents but some can only appreciate wealth

if another says, good job. Even if it comes at a cost to their mental health.

This culture of criticism leads to less wit and more cynicism

Frustrating and exhausting

We all are just a bunch of nobodies flustered about likes and ratings

An unspoken law to appreciate ball-busting is common

A generation raised to be mice among rich men

who have little sense and too many cents

Even the poor bore to the core of one another

Demanding the most from their own son and daughter

They say get a degree at whatever fee —

develop a familiar foundation and don’t fall too far from the tree

Grown up disposable teen

I feel everything
But believe in nothing
Neither science nor religion
I sigh and cry when I relive the trauma again
To philosophical ideas, I said bye even the teachings of the Dalai Lama can’t get in
Yet and still I feel everything
Your pain and my sorrow
still I have nothing to gain, but I am up to borrow
A single fuck to give

My life does matter but…

If black lives matter
Why did I get laughter when I said I wanted to shatter
My brain and have my family clean up the brain matter
If black lives matter
Why was I bullied by those of the same color
Cause I wore a collar inside of a white tee
And found no glee while listening to the notorious B.I.G
If black lives matter
Why did I feel my soul get fractured
As I got my ass whooped and battered
A little boy soft-spoken nothing but broken
If black lives matter
Why did it take a virus
Layoffs and rampant paranoia  
For the world to care about us?
I don’t want to make a fuss but
We have been sitting in the back of the buss
For hundreds of years. But now that
The world is bored and angry BLM….

We found love in a hopeless place

I am still bound in your loving hypnosis

I didn’t want to waste those times of your embrace

Miles away when I was screaming and everyone heard

But like a bird flying through a still sky, no one cared

I am too young to be feeling this old

The pill bottles are piling up

But my happiness is dwindling by the second.

I’m nothing but a cold grownup with a warm heart

fragile as a teacup and always waiting for my next re-up of meds.

It is almost over I keep assuring myself

But I feel I am just on the continental shelf of life

Just before the drop into an abyss that will lead to remorseful deeds

Gotta stop feeding the weeds and appeal more to my needs

But if that worked I wouldn’t be writing this poem.

Everything I got left

[Verse 1]
This is everything I got. You can call it ersatz
Let me write this down before I forgot
Wait. That sentence is improper like my awful thoughts
Cause I forget that I was begotten
By a religious woman and her mother the same
Let the trumpets sound
Amen; hallelujah
Cause I look around and notice God left
This place along time ago
But fear not he is in your heart
[Verse 2]
What is your sin; how has the devil broken-in?
the preacher asked to offer guidance
I’m a giggle at church during a moment of silence
Just before the announcements and the tithes are collected
He frowned, “the lord is no laughing matter.”
Let the trumpets sound
Amen; hallelujah
Because I look around and noted God is in every breath
This place fell in corruption due to developer error
But fear not he is in your heart
[Verse 3]
The Lord told me to go ahead and rock the boat
Get knocked off than gloat as you float
Because no sinner ever knows his inner sin
Without first knowing his joyful innocence
Let the trumpets sound
A bunch of men and women will not be leaving
Your hamfisted attempts to convert me will be met with a bazooka
Filled with convoluted logic and giggles

I wanted more

[Verse 1]
I wanted their friendship
blunted knives in my back
that is how they showed kinship
baby, you have no idea
my scars aren't for show
can’t take enough blow to get me back into the flow
[Verse 2]
I wanted love
the haunted boy that is unwanted   
unattraction adhered to me like a fitted glove
baby, you have no idea
my scars aren't for show
can’t take enough blow to get me back into the flow
[Verse 3]
I wanted to be close to God
Churchgoers called me a fraud
And beat me with a rod
Which only spoiled the monster in me
The stars are aligned
Baby, I am a diamond in the ruff
But life is tough
[Verse 4]
I wanted family
They ran from me
When I told them I was in pain
Nothing but canned responses and toxic remedies.
baby, you have no idea
my scars aren't for show
can’t take enough blow to get me back into the flow
[Verse 5]
I wanted to be normal
I acted formal and communal
But they called my bluff which was fatal
Pride torn until I wish I wasn’t born.
Until I wish I wasn’t born
Too much scorn, baby
But don’t pity me

Happy fathers day

Thanks for not trying to bother; but hey it’s OK

I found my way

Still, I hope your body lay

Untouched for days before they find your corpse

Help I have done it again

Lost myself in the desperation and anger

I think I might break from the inner disdain

Help I have done it again

Pushed everyone away but my demons

To rid everyone fiending for my reign

Help I have done it again

Take me in or help me fend

Against the urge to hurt myself again