Some never think ‘wow he must be going through a lot’

They think ‘wow he is a lot; what a douche.’

Just to be considered normal I programmed myself like a self-regulating bot

My codding must have been off, because they let loose

They played a game of duck, duck, kill the goose.

It’s a shame I thought I could make something out myself despite the pain

I now know I had nothing to gain for veering out my crazy lane

Normality is for well-adjusted kids raised like snowflakes from birth

I was considered a monster before I could crawl; considered of little emotional worth

Right, wrong or just insane

For as long as I can remember I just wanted to do what was “right”

I saw the light and knew to turn right when others went left
I am not sure what right is anymore and when I think I do it leads to a fight

I fear my enemies and pity them at the same time

Because my life is just a little thyme

To season the boring lives of people who have half my intellect

They pass about abusive slander about me to their friends and associates

Both of which won’t be in their lives when their health declines

I turned my back on heaven for God’s sake but the devil won’t have me; I’m just a miserable reject

I am slowly losing my mind and praying for an all-out war between the states

Life is a perfect harmony of suffering where every step forward is a step on a cluster of mines.

Duality

I am a master of unruly and troubled seas

When I walk through an apiary, I don’t falter as I get stung by the bees

With peace I refuse the boxing ring with a meditative shrug

Yet there is something inside me that is pissed

It’s an unlisted and unwanted aspect of my personality that witnesses it all

that wishes to burn the ocean’s thrashing waves

crush the beehives with the bees inside while burning the wings of the escapees

and if up to it, that boxing ring would be a place of slaughter with ease

To someone… (you and your kind are dead to me)

I have the balls to be someone you hate

While still having the strength to fall and get back up just before entering heaven’s gate

I used to see the beauty in people like you

But now I see the truth; I am just what you love to sleuth

Because your life is a banal hue of blue and akin to an impacted tooth

Therefore, you need a hug and then to be uprooted

In the end, we all get what we deserve

You got to indulge in ignorant slander about me – you prosecuted

I got to feel the burn of aligning myself to something acidic

We become what we are

I feel stupid and smaller than pond scum

If only I could have been a beach bum living off a lump sum

But in reality, I am not a human being

My calculated way of thinking is fueled by nihilism and gasoline.

Dear God, you made me a believer in nothingness

I knew this back when I had to leave her or pass on my illness

Being this ostentatiously sad is contagious, but it is brilliant to witness

I was built for war it seems

A savage destined to kill gods and established societies

 these poems are just beams of hope that one day I will accept myself in all its extremes

each beam is made up of reams of failed attempts to be normal

Everybody wants to rule the world

Given enough years every human unfurls to reveal a monster

Even those that bruise their knees to praise the lord

Even atheists who pray to indifferent calculations atop a predictable altar

Welcome to the jungle

The weeds are thick and the road winding; you will stumble

Don’t falter; each fumble alerts those with stomach’s that grumble

On their media peace, love, and hope excites them

But in reality, only their next lease, marrying their kind of truelove, and dope is true happiness

They are going to pull you from twenty different angles just to pad their net income

And when you are walking the streets in rags, they will jeer at your nappiness

Each word entices the flames // Poetry, lyrics, and songs

“You got to go through pain in order to become you // but when the world finally numbs you // you are going to want back that innocence you blew through”

Let it burn…

People learn to love their chains

Or more put they love the sun but only find peace when it rains

Family is all you got?

Family is what sat back and watched me rot

In the end, family is just a bunch of humans from the same genetic lot

I will always be their monster…

I was just too high of a social lost for her

I can muster the courage to smile but their scorn they just bolster.

I am just a wannabe foster child that society had because of a roster

I take pill after pill to holster this rage

The hurt I feel I could kill a thousand plus ten and still not feel like I won

I write and write about passive aggressive hatred on page after page

The humiliation that festers inside my mind can’t even be stopped with a loaded gun

It is not what they did to me that hurts so badly. It is that I didn’t know they were doing it that shatters my pride.

Each word entices the flames // Poetry, lyrics, and songs

This life is like a fucking game, and you are told the rules as a young child. However, as you grow older you realize the directions were all lies and the the real rules to this fucked up game are never spoken, only acted on…and those that speak on the real rules are killed, raped, and slandered. They are our villains, while the bloodsuckers that keep you playing this game like a fool are praised as saviors. In the end, I am no hero…you all get what you deserve. One day a dimwitted human will “win” this game and sit atop a tower of skulls and declare him/herself victorious. In that moment, that person becomes god and it all starts over again…but you aren’t even listening anyway.

What is happiness?

I am a child that grew up without a father

Learned quickly not just my father didn’t want to bother

People don’t understand that lies can’t be confirmed by truths

And a truth doesn’t make a filthy lie any closer to actualizing proofs

I fantasize about turning my enemies and their monuments into dust

I want revenge before my kindness corrodes from neglectful rust

What is the point of life? All I feel is strife, so I rather die than find a wife

The path I am walking, barking dogs never bite but they alert toy soldiers with a small shelf life

I am really smart… Nah I am silly as Descartes

Doesn’t matter either way because when you look like me

they treat you like your emotions are cheap and a la carte

easy pickings and if I so much say I am smart there will be a shopping spree

Motivation

Men stand up while they load their guns with ammunition

Don’t try to defend against each round as they hit your pride; savor the humiliation


Men stand up while they confuse your minds

They take aim at you and then yell,

‘run toward manhood. Get the girl, the car, and retirement plan’

So, you ran but didn’t get the results they promised

Debt makes you hurl and the car is nothing to write about in your memoir

And the girl was behind the gun the whole time


Man stand up amidst men that habitually sit down

Fail hard, fast, and often because that is the only way to learn

However, society will tell you that only the strong never falter

But they then will place your failures on the table for barter

The highest bidder gets paid while the masses are entertained watching you stumble