Thirty

Today I’m thirty

It is hard to process if I am more mature

My thoughts can still be rather dirty

Furthermore, I fright easily and I feel immature

Today I turned thirty

I feel a bit indifferent

My mental state still not sturdy

But to change, I have a commitment

Today I been on this planet for thirty years

As I grew, I collected many fears

I realized over time I am a bit weird

So sometimes I get unwanted attention and leers

Basically, I have the tendency to grind some people gears

This leads to mean smears

Aimed to destroy me but I am resilient

And maybe down right brilliant

This place

Sometimes I can’t take this place

I feel at times all I ever was and all I can be has been interlace

So I am predestined to fall on my face

Just as I have done before many times.

I spill these rhymes

Onto the page to keep myself from screaming

Still, it is all falling away from me

Then I remind myself that it’s all thoughts as far as I can foresee

That means the world as I see

is a matter of what perspective I choose

Therefore, I don’t have to lose and sing the blues

While I abuse

myself for past sins.

Happiness

Wet snow flakes pelting your soul

Real happiness is your favorite cereal in a bowl

It’s simple and easy to take on like a midday stroll

Once you feel it, fall into happiness like it’s a sink hole

 

From the moment I wake up until bedtime this is all I think about:

“How does one find happiness without struggle and a bout?”

I figured it isn’t about the fight, so I gave up trying to beat myself

Into some type of sublime submission, because in and of itself

That is a poor plan/ that is like throwing stones at a window in order to fix it.

This happiness problem seems to require a bit of wit

To solve

 

Maybe there is something above with resolve

To help me while just beyond the veil of my senses and total recall

I just don’t struggle anymore

Everything is true with the proper perspective. Don’t make life a chore,

I remind myself. Go with the flow or life can be such a bore

When filled with nothing but redundant negativity.