I am just a full tank and a used car away from freedom
I am done fighting in this coliseum
Masquerading as a city.
I be gone faster than a blink of an eye
Which is faster than when my father left me without saying goodbye.
I consider that high treason Against his own kin.
I am having the same bitter nightmares again
I am running from the same life experiences
that keep getting digested in my mind.
I am gone, off to find
My paradise. Yes, I am taking a gamble like betting on a pair of dice.
I am not taking any one else’s advice
I’ll do it on my own and chase after my fleeting dreams
I may be coming apart at the seams
But I am staying the course
I’ll get where I am going by foot, boat, or even horse.
I wish I was numb
No, instead make me dumb
To this world and my social problems
Cause as I grow my awkwardness blossoms
Resulting in me losing all my friends
I feel like my soul got the bends
As I sink deeper into this abyss
The water is cold
This life is getting old
I am letting down everyone by each passing day
Why did it have to be like this
Why couldn’t I be socially normal
And be embraced by society like a thermal
Blanket to keep the cold from sinking in
Instead I am lost in the abyss
Freezing as I dehisce
My feelings to the nothingness surrounding me
A lot of times I don’t make sense
Cause I am more than a few cents
Short of a dollar. That means my commonsense
Is warped: I pray for tragedy and cry when I succeed
I am always on the fence
Unable to decide if I want to be naughty or nice
I could drown you in a sea of my sorrow
Or easily harden your heart like god did the pharaoh
I have no god, so I have to declare to my enslavers to “Let me go.”
It is all about keeping with the flow
In life and in a poem. Each line in a poem I want to burrow
To your soul and cause ease.
Each second of my life I want to be motivational and not just appease
March on dear soldier
I know the weight of the world is on one shoulder
And a chip the size of a bolder
On the other. But still march on
During the daytime and at night. To your past you are gone
Forever and your wounds you will suture
Shut while marching to your future.
It’s all in your head.
You have to comprehend that before you are dead
The beginning of bliss
And its end is all in how you reminisce
I know you try so hard
But playing each card
You have been dealt requires patience
Play the game and be gracious
Clear you mind, make it spacious
By letting go of past pain
Stay in your lane
And keep your plans plain
When you succeed you won’t regret what you attain
I don’t want to write a poem
Today because I am feeling like an ill built golem
That is destined to break.
It seems it will take an earthquake
To shake these stupid thoughts out my mind.
To the future I am blind
But hindsight is 20/20 so I know I have always been behind
the cool kids.
I would offer my life up for bids
Just to end this nightmare and rid
What would it take for me to excel and propel
Myself to something more than this.
I don’t think I ever known bliss
And certainly never been privy to a lover’s kiss
Anyway, this is just another sad poem from the abyss
If what goes around comes around
Does that mean I am bound
By destiny? Furthermore, is life a battleground
Where each shot hit is a shot coming back around?
This might be unsound,
But I wish destruction on people who have hurt me
Yes, I know the hefty fee
Of doing that: “judge not lest you be judged”
But for each emotional wound I have I feel a painful grudge.
Some say the wounded are the most vicious and lost in a sludge
But how do you judge not in this world: a technological wilderness
Where it’s human eat human with near complete indifference
And such cannibalistic tactics are a sign of healthy vigorousness.
I am like a ship sailing atop a raging ocean
The high waves are thrashing, hindering my motion
I have a destination in mind: to it I have great devotion.
No, not any port in a storm will satisfy
I am predestined for greatness by and by
Yet these waves are getting bigger and I miss the blue sky
The storm is surging as though I am the bad guy
Getting cursed for evil deeds or maybe that is just my conscience
Playing tricks on me.
Am I my generation’s new face of failure. Such thoughts take all my glee
Some may think I am just lost at sea
But I have a destination in mind that I will get to at any fee
And it shall be, I decree.
My uncle has cancer
The thought of it gives me a heavy heart
I want to do my part
But in the end there isn’t much I can do but mend my bleeding heart
My depression I try to outsmart
With meditation and a flirtation with a monk mentality
Though a lot of times I feel my thoughts are a product of an abnormality
Because on the outside I show great cordiality
But inside my animality
Is wild and uncaged. These thoughts if acted on could lead me to police booking.
I have D.I.D that means multiple personalities all clashing and looking
To take the reins.
The inharmonious personalities are like the colliding of multiple hurricanes.
Anyway, I carry this heavy heart everywhere
One day I will lighten my load, I swear.
There is a lot going on
I wake up every day way before dawn
The negative thoughts start as soon as I wake
Sometimes I feel like my consciousness is in an oven on bake
Because I feel these thoughts are dried up from consistent recollection
I know the beginning and end of each memory in near perfection
When she left I wanted to call for a ref in order to announce a foul
How could she walk out my life like a pilot dejected from a crashing
Jet. I feel every friend has left me like a person cashing
Out on an annoying debt. My conscience has clashing
Ideals that tussle and hustle for superiority.
I look for work during the day; it’s my main priority
Yet each rejection leads to a heavier sense of inferiority.
My appetite is out of control; gluttony has supreme authority
I munch as a way to ease the emotional turmoil
I feel like I am spinning in place
As I hide in my subspace: