Suicidal thoughts

Yet again Suicide is on my mind.

I’m Dr. Jekyll plotting to kill Mr. Hyde, who has disinclined

to say anything to me but words that mortify like pesticide

sprayed on my pride,

a simple weed, trying to get dignified.

 

I don’t fear death

I do fear the dramatics after I take my last breath.

Mommy bent over like the branches of a weeping willow

While she weeps for her only son, an emotional albino

Meaning I had a deficiency in displaying aggressive ignorance

Too smart for my own good and slow to act against belligerence.

So, most nights of my youth I wept in my pillow and prayed for deliverance.

 

Drunk with depression like a wino

I flood my mind with positive thoughts

But my demons swim

Maybe I should go out on a limb

And say life isn’t worth living

Because I been giving

To this world with nothing in return

I feel like I can’t give anymore

But one last event of gore

After I pull the trigger

Happy that I won’t be here no more

Mother

Every day I get unloaded on by the firing squad

Let’s go back to when I was but a scrod

Mommy tried to raise me but had too demanding of a god

“You just a fraud

Boy, your depression is a façade.

In Jesus name I release him, Lorwaaad”

She said abroad

You see, emotionally, she was always at least 2 seas

Away. Her love the shriek of a banshee

Only way to reach me

Crudely, she taught me

That love is never free

There is always a receptacle fee

Since then my discontentment is engrossing like debris

I grew under a marque

A giant with a soul of a pea

In direct destruction led to my malfunction

User error

But her terror

She won’t pronounce

Like a criminal never will wait around to be picked as a stretcher-bearer

But my terror

She will have no choice to be the bearer

Endorsed sharer

Because like love, my hate has a fee

Slice the flesh. My depression, the parer